Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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