I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
