The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
