Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
