Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
