i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
