Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize