He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
God, I missed his penis.
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