I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize