But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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