i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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