he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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