I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
