i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
