guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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