Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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