Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
