Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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