wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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