I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
