Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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