If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
