I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
