she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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