You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
