Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at about main and main street
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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