I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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