Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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