Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
