Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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