Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
