If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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