I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
