I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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