Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
