Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize