So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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