Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
