I cannot find my penis.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
