have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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