I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
