I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
