I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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