woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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