Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
