i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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