this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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