I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
