i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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