Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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