Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
