I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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