He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm bleeding and have questions
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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