he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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