i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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