I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
