Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
