you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
