seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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