I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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