I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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