At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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