when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then he peed in my hair
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