I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize