you have to choose: penises or morals?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
