I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
