they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
