Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
