but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
