Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
