Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just high enough for therapy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
