i would punch a child for taco bell
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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