I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
