We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
