I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
