Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize