tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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