I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize