I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
