Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
