I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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