put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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