So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
