also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
