everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He did a backflip because drugs
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
