I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
