Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
