Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
