So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sext me about skeletons
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
