I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
