I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
