im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
