i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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