if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
