Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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