she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
