So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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