are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
