Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
