Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
