the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone came in the potted fern
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize