I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
