so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
