i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
