She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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