Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
