wat bout pragnant strippers??
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
