Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We're facebook friends in real life
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
