i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
