I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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