He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
