i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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